Same Rain, Different Experience
-We’ve all had days where it feels like the universe is actively rooting against us. But a closer look at how we process those days reveals something fascinating about the human mind.
Picture someone standing in the rain outside a police station. Their car was impounded, they just paid a hefty fine, and they have been waiting fifteen minutes for it to be brought around. When they tell this story to their friends, the rain is the ultimate insult: They say, "And to top it all off, I had to stand alone in the stupid rain for fifteen minutes!"
Now, let's go six blocks north. Picture another person standing in the same rain, waiting for an afternoon book release. What is the rain in their story? It’s a badge of honor: they say, "I braved a massive downpour for two hours to get that book."
They are standing in the same weather. The difference in their experience isn't the environment; it’s their judgment of it.
Finding the First "It"
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we talk a lot about Radical Acceptance—completely accepting reality as it is in this moment, without fighting it. A common phrase people use for this is, "It is what it is."
But to practice true radical acceptance, you have to identify what that first "it" actually is.
In this scenario, the "it" is simply the rain. If you strip rain of emotional narrative, rain is exactly two things: cold and wet. That’s it.
Getting a car impounded is definitely stressful, financially burdensome, and a disruption to your day. Radical acceptance doesn't mean you have to like it. But when we add a layer of judgment to the events—treating it as a personal attack from the sky—we transform unavoidable pain into prolonged suffering.
As the saying goes: "Suffering in this life is mandatory, but misery is optional."
Shifting Your Experience:
The next time you find yourself stuck in a frustrating situation, pause and ask yourself: What is the baseline "it" right now?
Strip away the story, accept the raw facts (like "cold and wet"), and notice the judgments you are tempted to stack on top. If you must apply a judgment, try leaning toward a constructive or positive one. You might just find your entire experience of life changing.
With the car impounded experience, the “it” is:
Stressful
Burdensome
Disruptive
The judgments are:
This sucks
I had plans for that money
I don’t have time for this
I’m Alone
Rain is stupid
Simply focus on the fact you are stressed and deal with that, budget the finances, and manage the time. If you add the judgments, then the extra emotion you create is actually what overwhelmed you, not the initial stress.
If you do bring in judgments, go positive with them.
Tell your friends,
"On top of all that went wrong, I stood proudly in the beautiful rain and enjoyed the refreshing smell."
-Want to explore how Radical Acceptance can change your day-to-day outlook? Let’s connect.
